


The Stages of Pregnancy

by shadowolfhunter



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan is confused and quite angry, Dear Old Dad is even more of a Douche than the Douche, Humanity, Lessons to be Learned, M/M, Mpreg, archangel (fallen), human woes, wings are the absolute least of Lucifer's problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-02 23:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12736329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowolfhunter/pseuds/shadowolfhunter
Summary: Lucifer loves sex. Absolutely loves it. As well as copious amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs.Dear Old Dad decides that it's time that his wayward son learns about consequences.There will be fear. And acceptance. Then more fear and food stains. As Lucifer staggers through Nine Months of chaos and unusual desires, and his ever changing shape (Prada don't make pregnancy clothes for guys... how incredibly short-sighted of them) while the bewildered humans who are his friends try to help him.





	1. The Calm Before the Storm, and the first inklings of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. I may possibly be Satan herself, because while I was lying there plotting (novel, not world domination), it occurred to me that this is the Devil, so all bets are off, and he's totally equal opportunity as a bed partner.
> 
> Dear Old Dad has to have a sense of humour.

Lucifer strode through the station, pretending that nothing happened. He sincerely couldn’t remember ever inviting the Douche to his bed, and he would rather not think about the night before.

Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. A night like any other.

Good luck with believing that. The little voice in his head sounded irritatingly like Maze. Lucifer adjusted his cuffs, showing the requisite inch below his jacket sleeves, fiddling with a cufflink and banished the little voice firmly.

The little voice went on enumerating all the things about the Douche that Lucifer had surprisingly enjoyed.

Lucifer loved equal opportunity sex, so having the Douche penetrate him had all been part of the game.

 

Dear Old Dad heard the stray thoughts of his wayward son. If an incorporeal being could be said to have smiled, it would have been a smile on Dear Old Dad’s face. It was perhaps time that Lucifer learned some consequences. It could be all a part of his plan for his son to learn more about humanity. And what better way….


	2. More Fear... and inklings of something weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer doesn't want alcohol.
> 
> This is freaky even for him.

Something was not quite right in Lucifer’s world. To his surprise, every drink he poured, he suddenly felt the most powerful urge not to consume. Even his favourite whiskies held no appeal at all.

In itself, not a cause for concern, but he also felt more than a little emotionally connected to his belly. Which was freaky enough for the Devil himself to freak out.

So he was sitting on Linda’s couch, trying to express this beverage reluctance and the most peculiar desire to protect his middle, that had never really happened before, and how he really wanted all these feelings back in the box. Pesky, strange, inconvenient feelings.

The Devil did not do feelings.

At which point, Linda raised a hand, and Lucifer felt an inexplicable desire to burst into tears when she said, “Lucifer, there is nothing wrong with drinking less. It’s only natural as you grow more in touch with your feelings.”

He cocked his head on one side, as he always did when he was completely confused and trying not to show it. She loved him dearly, she really did, but they had been through this before and….

“But doctor, something is different.” He gestured to himself, “the berries are still ripe, and suddenly I have no desire to harvest them.” He looked almost on the verge of tears. “That’s never happened to me before.”

Linda frowned, that was unusual. She sat up straighter, “have you thought to ask Ella if she can run a blood test for you.” He looked as though he wanted to protest, she held up a hand, “Ella will be discreet, you can rely on that Lucifer. And she is in the best position to tell you if there is anything going on with you healthwise.”

He didn’t look particularly happy about that, his big brown eyes had a distinct sheen of tears in them, Linda tamped down on the most peculiar urge to ask him if he was expecting, because Devil, reasons, may be made the same as mortal man (apart from the wings, the supernatural strength, and the celestial difference in metabolism and a few other differences, and with his Dad, who knew…) but something was definitely going on here.

“Okay,” he said, reluctantly. Linda eyed him, knowing full well Lucifer’s desire for a get out clause in anything to do with personal things that he was not comfortable with, “you will ask her, Lucifer.”

“Yes, yes.” It was a poor thing, his attempt at his usual breezy style, but at least he sounded a bit more natural about it.

 

Ella was more than happy to help, and at least now she had stopped referring to him as a method actor (Lucifer didn’t know whether to be relieved or horrified, but wings were wings, and his had chosen to pop out at a most inconvenient moment. Damnable emotions!!).

She drew blood.

And that was a process that Lucifer could well have done without, after two bent needles, he hit upon the happy (unhappy) plan of having Chloe stand next to him, which made him mortal (of course) but clued Chloe in to his current new sitch.

Now she had that worried look on her face, and Lucifer truly did not know what to do with that.

His lower lip trembled.

Ella and Chloe exchanged looks, worried looks, and before Lucifer could figure out how to avoid it, had converged on either side of him. Hugs from Chloe he could cope with, and look forward to, but hugs from Ella, and her entirely too perky (and occasionally entirely too perceptive nature) he could never figure out what to do with.

He squirmed. And resisted the urge to burst into tears.


End file.
